


Dear Diary (Or, How Connor Manned Up)

by beautifulboimckinley



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Christmas, Diary, Fluffish, M/M, uwu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-14 15:44:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11211156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulboimckinley/pseuds/beautifulboimckinley
Summary: The pages of his diary are filled with neat glitter gel pen handwriting. They're all talking about him.





	Dear Diary (Or, How Connor Manned Up)

**Author's Note:**

> enjoy !!! i haven't written mcpriceley in forever LmAo

Dear diary -   
It's not getting any better, no matter how hard I try.   
(3/12/11) 

Dear diary -   
He's beautiful and when I close my eyes all I see is his face. Heck, it's worse than it used to be. What do I do?   
(3/15/11) 

Dear diary -   
He said hi to me and I felt the blood rise up to my cheeks and I think I almost fainted. Poptarts laughed at me. This sucks. I suck.   
(3/17/11)

Dear diary -   
I've barely gotten a wink of sleep since he arrived. Jeez.   
(3/18/11) 

He sighed, picked up his glitter pen, and flipped to a blank page. 

Dear diary -   
Can God read this? If it's private, is he allowed? Privacy is important, I think. But then there's rule 72 and I'm just very very confused. Anyway, if he can read this, when I go to hell it'll be the worst punishment ever. I just don't know how to stop. I've even tried those quack cures on the dark corners of the internet. But his hair and eyes and lips and rosy cheeks and happiness and energy and body still draw me close, as if by some invisible force. He's a magnet, and I'm a pathetic piece of iron. Wait, this is way too long. Oops!   
(3/20/11)

The doorknob turned and he slammed the book shut. 

"Hello, Poptarts!"

"Writing in your diary?" Darn. 

"...Yes." 

"Ok, well, Elder Church and I are just letting you know that we're gonna go hang out with Naba and Arnold at Mafala's for a bit."

"Oh. Have fun!" 

Connor cautiously opened his journal again and read over the previous entry. Could God read his diary? And if so, how mad would he be? Probably pretty mad. He was gifted with the responsibility of being district leader, and this is what he does with it? He sighed and closed the book, placed it under his pillow, and flopped onto his bed. 

He made a sound that sort of resembled "HRRRRG" as the door opened yet again, this time revealing a seemingly concerned Elder Price. His hair wasn't as neat as it usually was, his tie was crooked, and he was sweating like crazy. The way the sweat sort of gleamed off of his skin made Connor blush. Off. He sat up straight and took a composing breath. 

"Hi, Elder Price!"

Price took a hearty sip of coffee and waved. 

"What're you doing?"

"I'm worried about you." He shrugged in a manner that suggested self consciousness - surprising for Price. 

Connor practically jumped 3 feet in the air at those words. 

"What? Why?" He frantically tried to cover up his surprise with a shaky smile. 

"A while ago, you said that you had the Hell dream nightly. And I got thinking, how the fuck can you survive the Hell dream nightly, that's super shitty and -" Price was cut off with a curt "Language!" and continued. "Well, anyway, I'm worried because you haven't done anything to deserve that. So, are you ok?" 

Oh boy. Should he tell him? Would that release the burden on his shoulders, or just convince Price to turn around in distaste and never return? Would he let Connor cry on his shoulder and then lean in and -   
"Just read my diary. Start on March 12th." He tossed the journal halfheartedly towards Elder Price. 

"Ok?" The poor man looked extremely befuddled at the sparkly rainbow book in his hands, labeled "PROPERTY OF ELDER MCKINLEY: DO NOT READ!!!". He slowly turned the pages to March 12th and began to read the neat glitter-gel-pen writing. As he read, instead of a disgusted expression, as Connor had feared, his face was one of genuine kindness, pity and understanding. When he finished reading, he said quietly, "Who is it?" 

"Huh?" Elder McKinley gestured in some abstract mixture of sincere and mock confusion. 

"Who were you writing about?" His heart dropped at those words, knowing very well he could never tell anybody that secret, and he took in a shaky breath. 

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you that, Elder Price." 

"Oh. Ok." The ground suddenly seemed a lot more interesting to Price. 

"Everyone here loves you, Elder McKinley. Especially me, ok?" 

His cheeks matched his fiery red hair. 

_____________________________________________

"Truth or dare, Arnold?"   
"Truth!"   
"Who should get together during the mission?"   
Arnold pushed up his glasses and rested his fist on his chin, mimicking deep thought.   
"Elder Price and Elder McKinley. Hands down."  
That answer was greeted by enthusiastic cheers, giggles and snorts of laughter, and amused sighs, and Price and McKinley immediately replied in unison, "We're not gay!" Connor could feel himself being eaten by embarrassment as his cheeks obviously flushed and he stammered. But the very thought of the duo as a couple made him feel bubbly and warm and he hated it. 

Those bubbly warm feelings were his ticket to hell. 

Everyone else seemed to think that the pair would be heaven. 

And Connor could just imagine the cuddling and kissing and touches and energy and - 

Why did he even still try? His fate was. obviously an eternal sleepover with Satan. He chuckled at the realization that maybe Hell was an eternal sleepover with the district 9 elders instead. That would be favorable, though, since Poptarts would be there. And Price. 

"Ok, guys, it's way past curfew! We should get to sleep." 

After the chorus of "aaaw, nooooo"s passed, Connor curled up in his sleeping bag and fell asleep along with (hopefully) everyone else. He said a silent prayer for heaven in his dreams instead of Hell. He always said that prayer. It didn't work. 

He said it anyway. 

He woke up two hours later in a cold sweat and Elder Price held him close while he fell back asleep. He thanked God for the darkness that concealed his blush - and while he was at it, he thanked God for Elder Price cuddling him. 

They woke up entangled, and he melted into the safety of Elder Price's arms like an ice cube in hot tea. Then he realized that everyone else was awake. His lips curved into a sheepish smile, and the rest of the inhabitants of the mission hut cheered wildly. Connor didn't realize even they were holding hands until Poptarts pointed it out with a smirk on his face, and he tore their hands apart like Price's touch burned him. And maybe it was just him, but was the other man a little reluctant to let him go? The touch still lingered in his mind hours later. Seemingly, it lingered in everyone's minds that day. 

He sort of admitted it to himself - he was in love with a boy. But then he would bite his lip until it bled and curl his hands into tight fists and pray a pleading prayer to Heaven. He kept writing in his diary - maybe purging those words onto the page would purge the sins from his soul. 

_____________________________________________

In his dreams, they touched, and he wasn't sure if it was heaven or hell.   
_____________________________________________

He didn't know how to cleanse the boy from his brain. No matter how hard he tried, thoughts crept in like rats about a ship, and he couldn't help but feel lonely without their company. And when Elder Price sat down in front of him, looking nervous, saying, "Can I ask you something?", those thoughts were less of a pest and more of a health hazard. 

"Yeah, what's up?" He said, once again trying to conceal his obvious dishevelment with a smile. 

"Will you tell me who you were writing about?" Connor began to shake at the question, ashamed that he still couldn't answer it after this time. 

"No. Not yet." 

"Oh. Do you still - do you still have the dreams?" Connor sighed. 

"Yes." 

"Oh. I'm sorry." And he did, to Connor's surprise, look sorry. It broke his heart. 

"I still love you. I just want you to know that." 

"I love you too, Elder Price." 

"Call me Kevin." 

"I'm Connor." 

_____________________________________________

The Book of Arnold had a verse about homosexuality, because of course it did.   
Men shall love men, and women shall love women, just as a man loves a woman, and it too shall be heavenly. When Arnold himself had read it aloud, he winked at Connor. For a second, it made him happy. Then he realized that it made him really, really sad. 

Eventually he wrote that verse in his diary. 

_____________________________________________

On Christmas Day, Connor was constantly followed by Poptarts, who made it his duty to raise mistletoe over his head till the sun set. Elder Church seemed to be his partner in crime - he tried to lure Kevin over to Connor's vicinity (mostly in vain, as Arnold was holding his hand and dragging him all over the brightly decorated mission hut). And Connor wasn't stupid. This was obviously a master plan to get the two to kiss. 

Right then, Connor decided it wasn't going  
to work. 

And this plan didn't seem to cease at all throughout the day. The other elders were relentless, and it certainly showed. 

"7 minutes in heaven for Connor and Kevin!" 

"Spin the bottle where the circle is just Connor and Kevin!" 

"What if we played truth or dare? We could dare them to kiss..." 

Needless to say, the whole thing was a mess. The victims of the plan quickly shut down any suggestions that had to do with the two of them alone in a room or dares or kissing. But Poptarts never stopped with the mistletoe. As the night went on, he got tired of holding the berries up, so he taped a fishing rod to Connor's back and put the mistletoe on the hook. 

Connor didn't stop him. He was scary when he didn't get what he wanted, and he had experienced enough you-ate-the-last-poptart punches. So he had a fishing rod taped to his back. 

And when Kevin approached him, he gave him a knowing look. 

"They're still at it, huh." 

"Yep." 

"They tried to get me to pretend I was dying in the closet so you would come and save me." At that, a bubbly chuckle escaped Connor's mouth. 

"Wow, that's outrageous." 

"It's a Christmas tradition, you know." 

"Mistletoe?"

Kevin smiled. "Yeah." 

Then Kevin leaned in and kissed him and it was so much better than those dreams. The stars were in his eyes, and angels touched his skin, and Connor was in the sky and the clouds and he was alive and flying. This time, it was Connor's turn to say "Oh, ok." 

_____________________________________________

He couldn't tell if being with Kevin was like waking up from a nightmare or going to sleep and dreaming. 

Dear diary -  
I love him, and that's ok.

**Author's Note:**

> did. u. like it.


End file.
